Is IRL All It's Cracked Up To Be?

I've been thinking about the richness of real world connections [IRL = In Real Life] vs a purely virtual dynamic.

The stream of Tweets and blog posts from SxSWi are filled with awesome [some even inspiring] stories about relationships transitioned from Tweetdeck to a BBQ joint in Austin. 

And if I'm not mistaken, I saw a message from Scott Monty just a few days ago that the word Tweetup just enjoyed an anniversary.  Who among us hasn't put aside our social anxiety to throw back a few beers with some Twitter friends?  Fun and hilarity [and often times, karaoke] ensues.

So clearly there's a warmth and fuzziness that comes with making connections in IRL.  But is IRL always necessarily the goal?  Of course it is.  Wait, is it?? 

Maybe not. This thought from Jim Mitchem made me reconsider ... 

I respect Jim's candor on the topic especially since, as he states, it flies in the face of conventional wisdom. 

It's particularly appropriate that Jim's Tweet is what made me reconsider.  He and I have never 'met' yet have participated in the BeanCast together and exchange messages often on Twitter. 

And while I think Jim's great - and sure it would be cool to serendipitously meet him some day - our connection doesn't depend on it.  In fact it's probably easier this way.  I think Jim would agree.

And just when I think I have it all figured out, there's a guy like Vinny Warren who I've met twice IRL but communicate very often with on Twitter.  I plan on hanging with Vinny again - not every month but once or twice a year.  Knowing Vinny IRL adds important texture.

Clearly I don't have it sorted out.  Though as I think about it, while my relationships with Jim and Vinny are mostly online, I first met Vinny in IRL, continuing the digital dialogue thereafter.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe the IRL ice was broken before it ever existed.

Or maybe Jim just seems scary hiding behind his orange orb.

What do you think?  Is IRL all it's cracked up to be?

Comments

[Jen B]

I will say that almost everyone I have met from a social network has turned out to be totally awesome. And it's really something to know that I could have a couch to sleep on in so many cities around the world. But to your point - the relationship doesn't depend on / isn't fueled by an IRL component.

Interesting thought!

[Jim Mitchem]

Last weekend we were hanging with some people IRL, and a friend said to me, "You're a pretty unsocial guy, for a social media guy." He’s right. I’ve never cared about being an ‘in person’ persona. Not that people who meet me think that I'm drab or crass, but rather that I am who I am here already and so there's no reason to validate things by meeting in real life. Plus, I just assume that (most of) the other people here are also real, and not just fake personas. As a copywriter, I'm reclusive to begin with - so social media has actually made me more social (a lot more). The biggest difference is that in social I can pop in and out of conversations without committing to being in the same room as everyone else.

I think it comes back to authenticity for it to work. For example, if we were to meet for a coffee and you're not just like you are on Twitter, I'd be pretty disappointed. As long as people are authentic, there's no separation between online and in-person. If your'e inauthentic, and somehow still thrive here, your jig is up in person.

I absolutely believe that the relationships we develop here are real, and that each friendship has the potential to span a lifetime. And if it comes to pass that we get to meet in person along the way - all the better. But not necessarily necessary.

This is a fascinating topic, Ian. Timely and relevant. Great post.

[Ian]

Jen - I envy your IRL experiences. Mine have been mixed. Some people turn out to be totally different than what they portray themselves as online. Then again, many are even better!

Jim captures it well ... "if we were to meet for a coffee and you're not just like you are on Twitter, I'd be pretty disappointed."

Thank you both for your comments.

[John Kochmanski]

Ian, this is a great topic. I am a lot like Jim. I like to keep to myself and find that I am, IRL, socially clumsy. I go into shy mode when confronted with a room full of people that I have never met.

Do I like to meet people? Oh, hell yeah. It's just not something that comes easy for me. In social spaces I have the luxury of being able to respond and interact when I’m comfortable. Not at the rocket fired pace that real life sometimes dictates.

I have met Jim IRL and I am glad I did. Wish we would have had more time to talk. Next time I’m in Chicago I’ll buy you a beer. We can discuss how to kill the “!” button in outlook.

[DJ Francis]

I'm less reclusive than Jim, but certainly understand his feelings about not needing to feel like the center of the party. (I'm also a writer - is this something in our DNA?)

I've had a lot of great experiences meeting people IRL. If you ever have a chance to drink whiskey and play Catan with @LenKendall and @DanielHonigman, for instance, I highly recommend that you do.

IRL meetings aren't always great though. A couple times I've been met with "Wow, you're a lot younger than I expected." And despite whatever experience/expertise that initially drew that person in, I felt our relationship was hurt after that because they didn't take me as seriously. (And I'm 31 - it's not like I'm fresh out of college!) That was a strange and disappointing reaction.

Great post, Ian.

[Ginger Pelz]

I think the extent to which you intend to develop a relationship can scale how much IRL time you need with someone. If you just talk with someone casually through Twitter now and then, maybe you don't need to meet each other offline to keep that relationship where it is.

What about other types of relationships, though? For example, say you are chatting with someone on Match.com (full disclosure-I have neer done this), eventually you meet in person to get to know that person better. It's just what you do.

Now think of client relationships. I have some clients who are out-of-state who I've never met in person. I'd really like the opportunity to meet them in person because I find my client relationships and overall trust-level improve each time we chat over lunch (or drinks) and each time we meet one-on-one. E-mails and phone calls are just fine, but the relationship isn't likely to be as strong.

I'm just a big proponent of meeting IRL because you get to know someone on a different level. I don't think that even as popular as online networks get, the importance of meeting someone in person will ever disappear.

[vinny warren]

i totally agree Ian. my world has been greatly broadened by twitter and blogs. and meeting IRL usually just confirms what you already thought.

and texture is the right word. it adds texture to your life.